A promise kept: the mystical reach through loss

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dc.contributor.authorCollins, Jody
dc.contributor.supervisorVan Luven, Lynne
dc.contributor.supervisorBramadat, Paul
dc.date.accessioned2019-10-04T17:25:17Z
dc.date.copyright2019en_US
dc.date.issued2019-10-04
dc.degree.departmentInterdisciplinary Graduate Programen_US
dc.degree.levelMaster of Arts M.A.en_US
dc.description.abstractThe meaning of loss is love. I know this through attention to experience. Whether loss or love is experienced in abundance or in absence, the meaning is mystical with an opening of body, mind, heart and soul to spirit. And so, in the style of a memoir, in the way of contemplative prayer, I contemplate and share my soul as a promise kept in the mystical reach through loss. With the first, initiating loss, the loss of my nine-year-old nephew, Caleb, I experience an epiphany that gives me spiritual instructions that will not be ignored. I experience loss as an abundance of meaning that comes to me as gnosis, as “knowledge of the heart” according to Elaine Pagels or divine revelation in what Evelyn Underhill calls mystical illumination in the experience of “losing-to-find” in union with the divine. Then, with gnostic import, in leaving the ordinary for the extraordinary, I enter the empty room in the painful yet liberating experience of the loss of my self. In the embrace of emptiness, I proceed to the first wall, the second wall, the third wall, the dark corner of denial, the return to centre, and, finally, to breaking the fourth wall in the empty room so as to keep my promise to you. Who are “you”? You are God. You are Caleb. You are spirit. You are my higher soul or self. And, you are the reader. You are my dear companion in silence. And then, through a series of broken promises and more loss, within what John of the Cross calls, “the dark night of the soul,” I am stopped by the ineffability of the dark corner of denial, the horror of separation and the absence of meaning, which is depicted as the grueling gap between the spiritual abyss and the breakthrough. What does it mean to keep going through a solemn succession of losses? I don’t know. In going into the empty room, I simply put pain to work in order to reach you. Through loss, though there are infinite manifestations, there is only one way: keep going. And so, in a triumph of the spirit, I keep going so as to be: a promise kept in the mystical reach through loss. As for you, through my illumined and dark experiences of loss, what is my promise to you? I keep going to reach the unreachable you. In the loss of self, with embodied emptiness, in going into the dark corner of denial, with a return to the divine centre of my emptied self, in an invitation to you, I give my soul to you in union with you.en_US
dc.description.embargo2020-06-25
dc.description.scholarlevelGraduateen_US
dc.identifier.urihttp://hdl.handle.net/1828/11216
dc.languageEnglisheng
dc.language.isoenen_US
dc.rightsAvailable to the World Wide Weben_US
dc.subjectmysticen_US
dc.subjectmysticismen_US
dc.subjectapophaticen_US
dc.subjectcataphaticen_US
dc.subjectmysticalen_US
dc.subjectmystical reachen_US
dc.subjecta promise kepten_US
dc.subjectempty promiseen_US
dc.subjectbroken promiseen_US
dc.subjectreverenceen_US
dc.subjectepiphanyen_US
dc.subjectlosing-to-finden_US
dc.subjectgnosisen_US
dc.subjectlossen_US
dc.subjectunionen_US
dc.subjectdivine willen_US
dc.subjectparsing perfectionen_US
dc.subjectCaleb Lanzen_US
dc.subjectput pain to worken_US
dc.subjectwholehearteden_US
dc.subjectemptinessen_US
dc.subjectthe empty roomen_US
dc.subjectfirst wallen_US
dc.subjectsecond wallen_US
dc.subjectthird wallen_US
dc.subjectdark corner of denialen_US
dc.subjectstonewallen_US
dc.subjectbreaking the forth wallen_US
dc.subjectreturn to centreen_US
dc.subjectPromised Landen_US
dc.subjectabyssen_US
dc.subjectgapen_US
dc.subjectstanding in the gapen_US
dc.subjectvoiden_US
dc.subjectmemoiren_US
dc.subjectcontemplative prayeren_US
dc.subjectcontemplationen_US
dc.subjectAnd so through losing him, I will now find Him everywhereen_US
dc.subjecteverywhere and nowhereen_US
dc.subjectrevelationen_US
dc.subjectilluminationen_US
dc.subjectineffableen_US
dc.subjectineffabilityen_US
dc.subjectmetaphoren_US
dc.subjecthigher selfen_US
dc.subjectself-givingen_US
dc.subjectself-emptyingen_US
dc.subjectembodied emptinessen_US
dc.subjecthigher soulen_US
dc.subjectspiriten_US
dc.subjectthe dark night of the soulen_US
dc.subjectmystical unionen_US
dc.subjectGoden_US
dc.subjectbreakthroughen_US
dc.subjectinfinityen_US
dc.subjectinfinite dynamismen_US
dc.subjectspiritual instructionen_US
dc.subjectinvitation to spiriten_US
dc.subjectparadoxen_US
dc.subjectsymbolen_US
dc.subjecteulogyen_US
dc.subjectspiritual eyesen_US
dc.subjectspiritual hearten_US
dc.subjectlooking into the slow revealen_US
dc.subjectremaining suddenen_US
dc.subjectI am everywhere and nowhereen_US
dc.subjectwhat isen_US
dc.subjectwhat ought to been_US
dc.subjectwhat can been_US
dc.subjectwhat will been_US
dc.subjectwhat is as it already isen_US
dc.subjecton earth as it is in heavenen_US
dc.subjectno-selfen_US
dc.subjectunknownen_US
dc.subjectspiritualityen_US
dc.titleA promise kept: the mystical reach through lossen_US
dc.typeThesisen_US

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