Reconstructing self and relationships: mothers making meaning of high-conflict divorce
Date
2003
Authors
Treloar, Rachel Margaret
Journal Title
Journal ISSN
Volume Title
Publisher
Abstract
High conflict divorce presents a multitude of challenges for a mother to navigate. Conflict and contradiction exist on personal, interpersonal, and cultural levels and may be perpetuated by the systems and people who are meant to help resolve it. Conflicting psychological, social, legal, gender and political discourses underlie the personal and interpersonal conflict that challenge a divorced mother.
This research study is a qualitative in-depth interview study of four mothers who have experienced a high-conflict divorce and regard themselves as having been transformed by it. Until recently the voice of lived experience was absent from divorce research. Combining the voices of women who have successfully navigated the experience with what is already empirically "known" allows for a holistic picture of divorce.
Thematic analysis of the data generated several general processes, all of which were central to transformation: transformation of self, transformation of relationships, and making meaning of the experience. In terms of changing sense of self, women described a process of moving toward internal authority for their lives, resulting in the redefinition of self as empowered and as a survivor. All participants made specific changes to relationships. Each found new ways of being in relationship which included a more autonomous and self-caring sense of self. They described positive relationships with their children that were deeply nurturing and fostered autonomy.
Meaning-making is contemplated both as a psychological process and as social. Women described not only a cognitive process, but a sense of self that was redefined through recognizing the impact of socially conditioned ways of being and relating in their lives. Meaning making was the process by which women redefined their lives and drew strength from events that once seemed intolerable and incomprehensible. It is in being able to make sense of their divorce in positive ways that it becomes transformative. Divorce is an ongoing interpretive process which weaves into women's life story.
Implications for intervention are discussed, primarily in light of what was learned from participants. This report also points to the need for a supportive and organized approach to divorce. Such an integrated approach would require greater cohesion and accountability on the part of individual disciplines and interest groups, as well as encouraging these groups to work in a complementary manner. Such action requires the same courage and monumental effort in reconstructing divorce that we expect from the divorcing parties in reconstructing their lives and relationships. This report is, in part, a call to the professions to lead the way in transforming the way divorce is construed.